I have not been updated my blog regularly lately. I guess I am just trying to adjust to the new career, new environment, new demands et cetera et cetera. It's difficult to feel constantly lacking, doubting yourself every single minute. And it doesn't help to have a highly brilliant boss who doesn't have the patience to wait for you to master something. He wants me to learn but I have to learn it at his pace...and believe me, his pace is super fast! He constantly makes feel like a dumb person and wondering whether I am cut out for this job. Plus, it definitely doesn't help when he caught me updating my blog in the office once! Talk about bad luck!
It is definitely not a good feeling to feel stupid, to feel like you know nothing. It's so hard to change your mentality and the way I think. I am a trained lawyer, I've been trained to think like a lawyer and normally lawyer will always think of the worst. What will be the liability, what will be the obligations, what will be the penalty, basically you have to be prepared for the worse. A good trait but not really helpful for strategic and policy making as pointed out by my boss. Sometimes I feel lost, like I am swimming in the middle of the ocean and I can't see any land or rescue ship whatsoever. Sigh!
I guess it's a phase that I have to painstakingly go through. Like the wise is saying, the Great Wall is not built overnight. I just hope it will not be forever for me to build the Great Wall though. Hopefully I will master it soon, and prove to everybody that I can do this, I can be good, if not great. There is always light at the end of the tunnel, In shaa Allah.
No comments:
Post a Comment